The Beginning of Something New

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Amos Rex Roof Helsinki

Lana is at nursery, Maya is sleeping and it feels like I have the first quiet moment to myself in months. The nursery manager and Lana’s own carer just visited and then Lana happily took both their hands and walked off to nursery whilst Maya and I were spying on them from the bedroom window. I’m only now realising just how big of a thing this is for Lana (and me) and it feels like a new beginning. An exciting one.  

During the visit they asked me questions about Lana, us as a family and myself as a mother. They asked me what my strengths as a mum are – and you know what? I struggled to give them a good answer. Now I’m still thinking about it, because not giving a proper answer made me feel like a bad parent haha. And whilst I was feeding Maya I came up with a few answers…

I’m a good mum because I always make sure Lana has everything she needs. I’m a good mum because I don’t smother Lana but let her go and explore and be herself. I’m a good mum because I try and make sure she eats a healthy diet. I’m a good mum because I am present, I give her attention and I play with her. I’m a good mum because I’m trying to pass on my values, which I believe are in the right place, on to Lana. I’m a good mum because I show her that I love her and make sure she knows I’m always there for her.

There. Now I feel a bit better! Have you ever thought about why you’re a good mother or father? Can you answer that question without difficulties? Or is it just the typical Finnish modesty that I’m suffering from?!

Anyway, this is the third day for Lana at nursery – although the first day lasted only a few hours with me and Maya there too. The second day I was supposed to be there with her until after lunch, but when we were going back to the nursery after their morning park session she said I could go. Today she’s doing the whole day on her own. I am SO PROUD of her. She is so independent and brave and I know she will be fine and that she won’t need me. I mean, she’s never needed me much – she knows exactly what she wants.

Am I sad to see her go off to nursery? Don’t think I am, yet at least. The reason being that I know she will be taken care of and that she will enjoy it there with the other kids. It can get a bit boring being at home with Mamma and a Maya when you’re such a big girl. Lana is also getting on really well with her own carer and I know she’ll be a great surrogate mum for her when she’s at nursery. I’m also looking forward to giving Maya a bit more attention and to maybe even being able to chill a little every now and then?! I’m having my first cup of coffee this week – only because I’m able to sit down and enjoy it for the first time. And I have time to blog! But, already thoughts of having to come up with something decent to do with ALL my free time are creeping in. I should be coming up with a cure for cancer at least.

Oh well, time to put on a wash and get some cleaning done. Then I’ll start thinking about that cure.

x Nina x

PS. The photos were taken on the interesting roof of new Amos Rex Art Museum here in Helsinki. Apparently it should be good for kids too. I can’t wait to visit!

PPS. Isn’t it quite symbolic how Lana sits close to me in the first photo, then a little bit further away until she starts sliding down and then finally is on her own in the last photo? 😀