Having a baby means there will be a million thoughts and questions throughout the process, and I, as I’m sure many other pregnant women, have been hassling Google with countless silly and less silly questions for eight months now. Some questions are, however, a bit more comprehensive than others, and can’t be answered by Google or anyone else. Something I’ve found myself thinking about recently, and also asked Matthew several times, is if we’re really ready to have a baby? And how do you know that you are?
When I ask myself am I ready for a baby it’s not about whether we’re financially stable or have a cot, pram and clothes for the baby – but if I’m really ready to give up my old life and become about 100% less selfish. Am I ready to, in a way, ditch my old self and take on the role of a mother? Have I done everything I wanted to do before stepping into this hugely life-changing phase? I also ask myself if we as a couple are ready to take our relationship to that next level? After all, we won’t have known each other for more than 3 years when our little girl arrives.
What really helps me and makes me feel calm when I start thinking about if I’m prepared for my new life is to think about all the things I’ve done and achieved in my life already. I truly feel like I’ve had a very rich and eventful life so far, maybe even too eventful at times…:) I’ve realised so many dreams and experienced so many beautiful and crazy things. And when I try to think about what I would have still liked to do before having children I can’t think of anything in particular, which is a great feeling!
I’m proud to share (and maybe boast a little about) some of my biggest achievements and experiences so far. These are:
- to do a language course in Bournemouth, UK, on my own when 16 years old
- to get a degree in Tourism
- to get two short stories published
- to learn Spanish
- to do my Erasmus in Alicante, Spain
- to do a crazy road trip in Europe
- to spend a summer working in Barcelona
- to inter-rail through Eastern Europe
- to travel the Trans-Siberian railway from Moscow to Beijing
- to spend 6 months back-packing in Asia
- to become a certified scuba diver
- to do a diving live-aboard in the Similan Islands in Thailand
- to experience incredible India
- to spend a year working and travelling in Australia
- to spend two months fruit-picking in Oz
- to travel around New Zealand
- to start running on a regular basis
- to get into university to study Spanish Philology
- to volunteer at an orphanage in Bolivia
- to travel South America and visit Machu Picchu
- to move to London Town and get a job there
- to meet Matthew 🙂
- to move to Edinburgh
- to move in together
- to teach myself to sew a dress
- to take my career in a new direction
- to get pregnant
What I haven’t done is to get married and to buy property, but there’s plenty of time for that! I am so glad that I’ve waited until I’m 31 to have a child – I don’t think I would’ve been ready for it any sooner as I’ve been too busy travelling and chasing dreams for purely egoistic reasons. My biological clock has also been pretty dead until only a year back, and obviously I needed to meet the right person as well!
Whether our relationship is ready for a baby is not something I really worry about, as I’m 100% sure that there’s no one else I’d like to be the father of my child and I have never even glanced at anyone else since the day we met. I also know that I’ve found someone I can trust 100% and someone that is responsible and will do his best to be a good father and partner. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together – when you know, you know. I am a very lucky girl indeed.
I do think it’s healthy to ponder upon these things and I’m sure a lot of people in the same situation do it too. It doesn’t mean that I’m not extremely happy and excited to become a mother – I guess it’s just me questioning my own decisions and perhaps looking for reassurance during this process that seems to be moving so quickly. I guess it’s just me getting a bit anxious about the impeding labour as well…:)
I don’t know how you know if you are ready, I guess it’s just a feeling you have combined with the ticking of your biological clock as well as some external circumstances falling into place. I can safely say that YES, I am ready to become a mum and WE are ready to become parents! As ready as you’ll ever be for becoming a parent that is 🙂 Only one month to go now!
x Nina x