Traumatised For Life

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I know the headline is a bit dramatic, but that’s truly how I feel after a 10-hour journey with a 2-month and a 2-year old. Don’t know what I was thinking booking a non-direct flight with a two-hour stopover at London Heathrow – but that will NEVER happen again, no matter what it’ll cost me. And actually just yesterday they announced Finnair is going to start flying direct Helsinki-Edinburgh all year round! 

So why was the journey so traumatic? Well, let’s start from the beginning…I had stupidly also booked a flight that departed at 8am in the morning, which meant I had to drag Lana out of bed at 5.30am. Maya was in the best mood ever though and smiling and chatting away. We got to the airport on time, checked in and said bye to my parents. The first warning sign of what the trip was going to be like was when we were going through security and Lana refused to let her beloved Woof be put through the scanner – but luckily the staff were nice and agreed to just feel if there was anything inside the damn dog.

We made it to the gate at the far end of the airport with Lana in a buggy and Maya in the sling. It was all going a bit too well, so just before boarding Lana ran away and did a massive poo – so I grabbed our stuff and Lana and dragged her to the toilet to change her nappy. It was one of the worst poonamis ever and I just had to take Maya out of the sling to be able to deal with it. I won’t go into details, but just imagine the worst situation you can and double that. Thank god I had extra trousers for her! Whilst I was cleaning (yup, there was a lot of cleaning to be done) somebody was pulling the door, making me even more stressed. When we got out there were three staff waiting and asking if we’re ok. First I thought there was a video camera in the toilet and they had seen everything – but turns out Lana had managed to pull the emergency cord next to the toilet…First time someone has ever turned up when she’s done that though, so well done Helsinki Airport haha!

I felt like supermum when we got onto the plane to London with two cleanish kids. My luck changed a little bit as the plane turned out to be one of those big, spacious ones with your own TV and Internet – not that I was able to watch anything but at least Lana was entertained by some children’s films. In fact the first flight went pretty well and Lana played for ages with a Cinderella doll my mum got her.

Maya slept through the whole flight and at a few points I even tried to close my eyes having slept just a couple of hours the night before – but every time I tried to do that Lana the sleep police would shout “Mamma can’t sleep!”…

We got off the plane that was 30 minutes late and this is where the really horrible part of the journey begins. As you might know, Heathrow is massive and there are miles and miles of endless corridors. Having sat down for 3 hours Lana was obviously keen to move around, so she took off and started running amongst all the people walking in the same direction. First she was looking back at me not running too far ahead – but suddenly she started running as fast as she could and I lost sight of her for a while. I tried to run with Maya and the stuff, yelling Lana in an angry voice so everybody kept turning around. No one helped though but finally I caught up with her and had to start dragging her in the other direction. I was so angry that I would’ve given her away for adoption had someone asked me there and then.

We got on the bus to terminal 5 eventually and as trying to bribe Lana with sweeties didn’t work very well there was a lot of dragging/carrying her by one hand involved. She actually did apologise for running away and kissed me on the cheek, and when we got home she told Matthew about it too, so maybe she did learn a little lesson this time?!

We almost accidentally left the airport but then finally got to the security control queue. After a lot of walking Lana was tired and decided to sit down. At the same time Maya woke up and started crying her eyes out. Then Lana finally got up and started making her way through the queue with me once again angrily yelling after her. She got to the beginning of the queue and then just walked through security control without the staff even noticing. I ran after, apologised and was going to return to my spot in the queue when a group of young guys told me to just skip the queue. I looked at them with tears in my eyes and sweat running down my face and said thank you – and told them to never have kids.

Again, Woof had to go through the security scanner machine and this time the staff weren’t so nice so I had to put the damn dog on the conveyor belt – which obviously triggered a massive tantrum in Lana. So from the security control to the gate where the flight was ready to board I dragged a screaming and crying Lana whilst trying to comfort a screaming and crying Maya with my other hand. It was hell I can tell you and I got so many pitying looks from the people around. But no one offered to help.

I had time to feed Maya before boarding whilst Lana was having a smoothie. We got on the flight and Lana found the nail polish for kids that I had bought her and demanded I give her a manicure. And this is the result when you try and do it with one hand holding a Maya. Lana didn’t seem to mind though!

The flight from London to Edinburgh was superquick and at the other end Pop was waiting for us thank god. We got in the car and a minute later Lana was fast asleep. Poor thing must’ve been so knackered. It really was my own fault for booking such an early flight.

Matthew was home with a cold, so we didn’t have to wait until 6pm too se him. I was exhausted and starving and opened the fridge just to be greeted by this view. On top of that I found 4 dead plants.

But to be fair Matthew had cleaned the whole flat and it was so nice to be reunited with pappa!

Nana and Pop also came around to give the girls some cuddles.

I guess this is somethingI will be able to laugh about one day and the main thing is we made it home alive. I have definitely learnt my lesson and will ALWAYS fly direct from now on.

x Nina x